Ovaltine Makes You Gay As Hell

I honestly can’t cook worth a damn. I know that’s not very Atomic Age housewife of me, but honestly I’d be more of a “feed my family frozen dinners in front of the television while hiding in the closet eating Valium by the handful as if I lived in a Rolling Stones song” type back then. Anyway, dust off the Naugahyde seats of your Futoro House and gather round, because today I wanna talk about Ovaltine.

Ovaltine wasn’t specifically a product of the Atomic Age; it had actually been around for decades beforehand, but it, like dozens of other instant ready-mix products, had gained a special foothold during that era where it was imagined we’d all be in space eating freeze-dried ice cream within a single lifetime. It was a drink for future astronauts and super-detectives.

Advertisements at the time made bombastic claims. Actual quote: “Science was never more justified than in the long and patient researches which produced Ovaltine.”

It was a superfood, decades before there even was such a term.

Well before the days of Super Spy Decoder Rings and Captain Midnight Glowing Atomic Doodads, Ovaltine first hit the shelves in America in 1915. And because you…